2024. A New Year. A Reboot.

Greetings from the Caribbean!

Last year I felt I aged ten years in ten months. On a personal level, losing our mom was heartbreaking. She died three weeks after her diagnosis (and we were/are worried about our dad’s health). My foot surgery, strikes, stress, the sense that everything’s a dumpster fire, multiple wars and geopolitical conflicts, extreme weather, the normalization of fascist policies and politicians, the dearth of empathy, the viciousness of online discourse, Covid, racism, sexism, ageism, etc. etc. it’s all too much. Constant flight or fight is not healthy.

A few weeks before my mom died, she said she worries about me. That I worked too much and I needed to take time to have more fun. WHAT?!

I knew then that my mom was really sick. I mean, what Caribbean mom would say this? I told her so and she laughed. She also said she had no regrets as she had a wonderful life. My mom had a point on the fun thing but who can think about having more fun while the earth is burning (literally)?

I was apprehensive about this trip, my first time since the funeral. I’ve been in a weird space most of the year and thought being here would make things worse. Instead the opposite happened. It’s as if a fog has lifted. Being in the village where my family has lived for generations is healing and grounding. I appreciate being in my paternal grandparents’ garden, happy that their trees are bearing fruit again post Hurricane Irma. I spent a few days at The Cottage and was grateful that my great grandmother, grandmother, and mom held on their land.

Of course I don’t know what 2024 will bring. I do know that I can only control how I react to what life throws my way. Even if 2024 is another struggle year, it will still be a better year. I cannot have another year like 2023 and I refuse to. I’m usually a cynical optimist but last year I went hard in the paint for cynicism.

2024 is the year of the reboot (the good kind).

Moving forward I’m going to limit my time on social media. There are some great things about it but doom scrolling doesn’t do anything but raise our blood pressure.

I’m going to do my best to stop obsessing about things I have no control over. I will donate and volunteer.

There are wonderful things happening with some of my projects and I shouldn’t feel guilty about it. I’ve worked very hard to get to this point. I used to believe that being a broke creative person was somehow keeping it real. ahahaha. Nope. I’m entering my Rich Auntie Era. Being a Rich Auntie doesn’t necessarily mean one is rich. It’s more about a point of view, a way of life. That said, run me my coins! No, really.

Between my surgery and the strikes my budget took a hit. I want to take more day trips/weekend trips this year. Italy can be a chaotic country but one thing she does very well is having an accessible high-speed train system.

Losing a parent and facing your own mortality is no joke. I need to stop waiting for the perfect time/moment to do things. The perfect time is the present as tomorrow is not guaranteed.

I intend to pay more attention to the joy, wonder, and beauty of this world we live in. It still exists but I didn’t see, or seek, much of it in 2023. 2024 will be different. Last month I said to to my friends and family that 2024 will be a great year, even if it isn’t. I’m warning people now, I will be leaning hard into the woo-wooness, feminine energy, inspired vibes of my Caribbean background and Italian life. The American can do spirit is fantastic but balance is key. I going to embrace the upside of these different cultures instead of the negative ones. Let’s see how this works out. It might be the best thing ever or a complete disaster. Either way, I plan to enjoy the process.

Here’s to a new year!

Arrivederci 2020!

Greetings from the Caribbean!  There’s still no liming.  

I clearly remember many of my friends saying that they were glad to see 2019 go and 2020 couldn’t be worse.  Well, what can I say?  2020 showed up and showed out.   

While I’m very fortunate not to have lost any friends or family because of Covid, several people I know have (mostly in Los Angeles). 

I’m not going to recap this dumpster fire of a year.

I will say that my worst fears, the things that kept me up at night, happened.  All of them.  At once.  But I’m still here.   

It’s freeing in a bizarre way.   

Who knows what the heck 2021 will bring?  I cannot control what’s happening in the world, only how I react to it. 

I’ve neglected this poor blog.  I would like to write on here more often in 2021.  I know I should have a scheduled time to post and what not.   Nope, that’s not going to happen.   

I’ve read that blogs are dead.  I think it depends on the reason why one blogs or reads them.  I’ve missed blogging to be honest.  I find that sometimes my Instagram captions are way too long and would probably make more sense as a blog post.  

The last few years have been a bit of blur which is one reason I haven’t blogged as much.  I might get into why another time, I’m still processing.  Everything came to a grinding halt earlier this year. Completely.  I spent many days during our severe lockdown sitting on my parents’ veranda freaking out.  I’m a woman of a certain age and was wondering “is this it? Is this what I’ve been busting my butt for, for all these years, only to end up here?!”  I’m not the only one.  

That I’m single and have no children of my own added to this sense of feeling I haven’t hit important benchmarks.  Never mind that I didn’t create these benchmarks but I felt the pressure nevertheless. 

I have a bad habit of saying/thinking, “okay once A happens, I can then do B or B will happen.”  As if I’m constantly on hold.  I’m not sure where this comes from.  I can be a bit of a perfectionist but that’s not it.  I’m not writing New Year’s Resolutions but I do know that one thing I want to work on is being more present.  Sorry, I know that’s kind of woo-woo!  What’s nuts is that I’ve actually improved since moving to Italy.  Clearly, I still need to work on this. 

I want to lean hard into my creativity and see what happens.  I’ve been so stressed out about what’s going on in the world, my work, and my financial hardships that it’s taken a beating.  I have no idea what (or how) my intention will look like moving forward but I’m excited about figuring it out. 

There are going to be some big changes in 2021.  

Happy New Year!